Your loaded 'dance card' not for everyone

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Miss Lonelyhearts By: Miss Lonelyhearts

Posted: 02/8/2015 3:00 AM | Comments: 0

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I really don't understand all these whining "lonely hearts" who can't get their lives organized. I'm single, with a difference. I'm seldom alone, and never without affection and great sex whenever I want it. Here's the secret: I have male friends I only see once a week on a certain day. That way they know it is definitely casual, but caring. A one-night-a-week boyfriend knows this is not something heading for the altar, and he has freedom to see others.

To be specific, one boyfriend I only see movies with -- and then back to my house for some intimate fun. Fridays after the work week, I go for cocktails and dancing with a very special friend who can really dance, and we shake off our stresses -- kiss good night, just buddies. Saturdays are reserved for a wine-expert friend of mine, and we always go out for wine and appies and a few hours of candlelight and romance at my place. Sundays I do winter sports with my special athletic guy, but we're not sexually involved. Here and there -- on free weeknights -- I see family and friends and meet online people for coffees that might be promising as a full-time boyfriend. When the right guy does come into my life, the other sweet part-time boyfriends will be gone, and no hard feelings. Why don't other single people organize their lives and enjoy life instead of waiting in front of the TV at home for Ms. or Mr. Right? Too lazy? -- Got My Act Together, Osborne Village

Dear Together: Your disdain for other singles is interesting. It sounds like you're bragging rather than trying to help them.

Having said that, not many people can handle a merry-go-round of lovers and online dates, and you clearly enjoy your lifestyle. A few people might adopt your model. But most singles aren't as outgoing as you are, but they do need to be more socially active than people who are married with a circle of comfortable couples friends. When singles do stir up their lives with activities -- lessons, parties, singles clubs, online dating, charity work, sports activities -- they have chances to change new contacts into real friends and even lovers. BUT, they need to take things from initial meetings to invitations to lunches, to dinners at their homes, to

making real friends. Unfortunately, too many single people never take it to the next step.

You actually take it to a third level, which suits your organizational skills and ability to set emotional limits. But do the men in your life -- especially the ones you take to bed -- feel the same detachment, or are some of them in love with you? Write back and explain how you handle the emotions that must arise here and there with your once-a-week boyfriends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came from a ski trip with a woman I've known for six months. I thought we were really headed somewhere. But when we got to the mountains, something weird happened. She had quite a bit to drink the first night and she started to unpack her second bag. It was full of "toys." They were actually bondage instruments and restraints. I was willing to try the dominating, but she told me she wanted me to be the "love slave."

I looked at her like she must be out of her mind. I'm not the type to be anybody's submissive. I was shocked she thought that of me. I said " Put away the stupid toys!" Why would she even suggest that to me when I have to be so strong and dominant in my work and she knows that? She was ice-cold to me on the way home the next morning on the airplane, and I'm thinking of just not calling her again. What do you think? -- Nobody's Slave, Winnipeg

Dear Nobody's Slave: Ironically, a high proportion of men who are dominant in their normal lives occasionally (or often) enjoy the submissive role as a contrast. When they're someone's love slave, they don't have to plan anything. All they have to do is show up and willingly do what they're told for "Mistress," or in some cases, "Master." They sometimes feel "relief" after a week of having to take responsibility for big work projects and always be the boss. This woman mistook you for a guy like that, but you're dominant in all areas of your life. Be polite enough to have a parting chat, acknowledging you're not a match sexually.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R26 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition February 8, 2015 A15

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